"You don't understand, Grandma," Allie said. "To me, this isn't a baby. It's a problem. I'm trying to do the best I can by him, because that's what my head tells me I'm supposed to do. I got us into this mess; it's my responsibility to get us out. But as for that other stuff, that bonding stuff the books go on and on about... Nothing. I don't feel... I don't feel like a... like a... mom."
Rachel hesitated. She looked down at the floor and then she looked up at the ceiling, and then she looked Allie directly in the eye. She said, "I'm sure you've heard, over the years, in bits and pieces here and there, that I haven't lived the most exemplary of lives."
Allie nodded mutely.
"Being pregnant with your mother was one of the happiest periods I can remember. I was madly in love with Mac, he was thrilled about becoming a father again, even Iris couldn't ruin things for us then. But that wasn't the case with Jamie. Or Matthew. Or even the twins. Carl and I were having problems when I was pregnant with Cory and Elizabeth, plus there were some health issues... But that was nothing compared to while I was pregnant with Jamie or Matt. You know that I was married to another man when Jamie was born. That I tried to pass him off as Russ Matthews' son, the same way I later tried to pass Matt off as Mac's. The difference was, with Jamie, I saw him as a tool for getting the man I really wanted, while with Matt, it was closer to what you described... a problem that it was my responsibility to somehow fix. Both times, my feelings about being pregnant were very, very complicated. But that didn't mean I didn't love both my babies. Don't confuse being unhappy over the circumstances with being unhappy about your child. That feeling won't last, I promise you."
"What if it does?" Allie challenged. "What if I end up like my mom, angry about being stuck with a kid I didn't really want?"* * *
Donna refuses to face reality, John corners Gregory, Kirkland makes a decision, Carl comes up against his toughest critics, Frankie relives a painful episode from her past (with clip!), and an end of episode poll sure to make you laugh!
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