GUEST COLUMN: MARIANN AALDA (DIDI; EDGE OF NIGHT)

Comin’ in from “The Edge…”
MARIANN’S MIDLIFE MAYHEM & MISCELLANY:
Ya Gotta Have Friends…Starting With
Being Your Own Best One!

I felt many of you might relate to my daughter-in-law Nikki’s response to last week’s column, so I wanted to share it with you:

“Oh, I absolutely love Tamara Tunie on SVU!!! That is my show and she does a GREAT job on it. One of my coworkers even has a lil crush on her (we talk about SVU episodes via instant messenger the day after the show runs).

I also hear you loud and clear on the friendship topic. My BFF from high school (Lisa) is that 'lifetime' friend. She has moved to just about every state in the US and gradually made her way back to NY post-high school. Over the past ~15 years since graduation, we managed to physically see each other maybe twice, but when we get on the phone (maybe 3 or 4 times a year), it's like we've seen each other everyday!! I can't say the same for my college friends who I thought we shared great bonding with. Some were too needy and you had to give them constant attention 100% of the time or they felt unloved and left out. Marriage and kids will not allow me to communicate with somebody THAT much -- not even my own mother, let alone a good friend. However, many of them chose the road of 'all or nothing' so I pretty much deemed it 'their loss'. No way I'm gonna act like a ten year old and say "I'm not your friend anymore" because they didn't know how to deal with me growing up and having other priorities that ranked higher. Not a total loss of friends, but a good number lost to attrition, as you mentioned.”

So much maturity in such a young woman; it took me a lot longer to learn that lesson…and to be able to assuage myself of the guilt I felt whenever a friendship seemed to be coming to an end.

And from Tamara Tunie (ex-Jessica; ATWT)…

“…what is ironic, I was having a conversation about friendship with another friend on Saturday and was trying to remember, searching the universe, and asking ‘what was that quote?’!"

As a “public service” :-) for others of you who might also have an interest, here is the expanded version of that quote :

"A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime" - (a quote attributed to Michelle Ventor as author)

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons...things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

That's why it is said that love is blind...but friendship is clairvoyant.

Fascinating how, unbeknownst to me, Tunie had asked herself a question about that quote, and than, “clairvoyantly” I answered it for her, isn’t it?

So maybe the fact that I returned to the theme of “friendship” this week means I was “picking up on something” a lot of you readers might be going through right now. If so, I hope this was able to help.

Love,
Your friend, Mariann :-)
www.mariannaalda.com